Just another blog

Just doing this for the hell of it. No idea how long or frequently I'll post here. Doubt anyone will even read it.
Been having a bit of a difficult time lately and I'm hoping that by writing out my thoughts, it will help me make sense of it.
I don't know whats going on with me. Identity crisis? Midlife crisis? Losing my mind? Being melodramatic? Combo of all four?
I currently live in the glorious land of suburbia. I have a house that is worth considerably less than what I paid for it. Was watching prices consistently go higher and higher. Jumped into home ownership because I was concerned that I'd never be able to if I didn't buy soon. Six months later it all fell apart and now I'm upside down on the mortgage.
About the same time, things took a sour turn with the wife. She started with baseless accusations of infidelity. I never left the house unless I was working or going somewhere with her. I had no place to go. I have no friends to hang out with. She is excessively jealous of every female I come in contact with, which is a lot as I work in a female dominant area of healthcare. She also gets angry when I chat online with people that live on the other side of the continent or even in another country. Doesn't matter if its male of female.
There even was a problem with an old friend from High School that I was speaking to a couple times a year. I caught up with him a couple times and she even accused me of having a fling with him.
Granted, her ex did cheat on her with a family member and after I blew up on here a few times over it, she hasn't gone down that road for the past few months.
We stopped saying I love you to each other quite awhile ago. There is no sex life. I think I can count the number of times over the past 7 years on one hand.
I don't hate her, but I certainly don't love her anymore either.
Why do I stay you may ask. I know I do.
We can't sell the house for what we owe on it. I can't decide which is worse, defaulting on the balance or paying the balance for the next 4-5 years. I can't afford the place by myself and obviously can't buy her out. (House is in both our names)
If I default, I can pretty much forget about owning a house ever again. By the time it falls off my credit report, I'd be in my mid 50's. The last thing I'd want then is a 30 year mortgage, or even 15 year one for that matter. I best find a really nice place to live too because I'll be there awhile.
If I pay it off, then I can't do much of anything else for 4-5 years between rent, paying off a mortgage for a house I don't live in and car payments. By the time I could afford another house, I'd be in my late 50's.
I best find a really nice place to live too because I'll be there for awhile.
The other thing is what about the next relationship. My dating pool would consist mostly of divorced women with children of varying ages. I've dated women with children in the past. Not something I'd be overly eager to revisit anytime soon. Granted, there is a big difference between 20's and 40's but no thanks just the same. I need to get me straightened out first before dealing with someone else's child(ren) and ex. Can't forget about ex's.
I don't see any good options, just varying levels of suck.
Maybe I should just admit I'm a crazy loser, get on a handful of meds and spend my days in a medication induced fog.